Is Depression a Choice?

IF you say you are depressed, then I believe you are depressed! How anyone can say that though, is completely beyond me. Let's make sure that last statement is toned properly, as it is not meant to offend nor stir controversy, which may come later. What is baffling is since none of us truly knows how someone else feels; we are all included in that depiction. Even doctors who simply hand out pills or use outdated therapies or worse, keep you in your state, only use what they were taught by a system that does not heal or cure anything. We are not allowed to even use those words and a disclaimer will have to be put in somewhere now. What is it exactly to be depressed? This is not like being pregnant. No one can be a little bit or clinically pregnant, you either are or you are not.

If you feel down, then so be it! There are plenty of people who seem to stay up as well. My wife stays pretty wound so sometimes she thinks she is down or tired and she is simply relaxed, and doesn’t know it. When you go see a medical person of any kind and the answer is you have to be on something for life, either run, or enjoy the escape method you were seeking because you found it. The bottom line is, no one is doing you, better than you. You are the way you are, and it is okay to be you! If you are using your insides to compare to others outsides, then we may have identified a problem. America is so crazy to blindly teach us to "go to school, get good grades, and work hard to retire and live the good life". No one believes that anymore I hope. Why is it in America, someone tells you that dude up on the hill with a big house and fancy car is successful. What a joke. They have as many problems as we do.

There was a man who wanted to hire my business associate to gain more success. He agreed and asked him where he was successful. He said, "Maybe you don't understand, I want you to tell me how to be successful". My partner asked him the exact same thing, "Where are you successful in your life"? This went on twice more and my partner interrupted and said, "Look, I know my certainty is greater than your doubt, so listen to the question again and please answer me this time".

The man said his son just won a game today and he was the coach and a pretty good one. Great, where else do you have success? He said he has a special group at church he leads for a men's group and helps many members. Where else is there success in your life. His marriage is rock solid and gets along so well with his mother-in-law she lives with them and shares much laughter and joy.

So after this series of questions, the last one was simple. Who was he comparing himself to? “Oh, this other doctor downs the street”. “He has a big house, a fancy car, a young wife”. So again, my partner digs deeper. What is his relationship with his son like? His son is on drugs and in trouble, not so good he supposed. How about his church and friends? He doesn't go and not sure he has many friends. What about his wife and in-laws? Oh, they moved away from them. The last question came. Why he was comparing himself to someone who had completely different values and was asked if he would change lives with him? The answer was a quick and emphatic no.

The truth is, these fantasies we all hold onto are false. Our lives won't be "better" if this or that happens. If money comes in the mail. It's a load of crap to be honest. If money were important to you, you would have it, period. By listing the drawbacks to our fantasies and then looking at the benefits of our values we can balance the mind. When we continue this process gratitude creeps in and if you do it enough your heart can and will open. That event will simply change your life forever. It certainly did to mine when it happened.

It seems to me that somewhere we may have unrealistic expectations on ourselves, others close to us, or even the world. When we think any of those items are not the way we think they should all be, then our fantasies of what it should be versus what it is don't add up. The world and people are what they are, why should they change because of our unrealistic expectations? There is a universal method of identifying what we think is so great, has drawbacks, and what we think is so bad, has equal benefits. To get to this place may take both work and practice.

A very dear friend of mine has been upset over an incident at church for years almost killed himself over being embarrassed. A church leader put him down and acted as a bully and my friend for as long as I have known him now, (15 years) acts solely as a victim. While his religion teaches and preaches love and forgiveness my friend quickly angers and says he is evil and church leader shouldn't do what he did. He has not been back to church in years, is almost a recluse, still totally insecure, and hasn't made money and after all his borrowing funds is about to lose his house.

He believes this man should change. He gained 70 pounds from overeating after the incident and almost died from diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. He has spoke of childhood issues surrounding his mom and dad and then step mom. These same issues have been recycling his whole life. He is a large and not only strong, but powerful man physically who has spoke of violence on others. He is typically a gentle giant. His breakthrough is going to come, but is slower to arrive than the doctors.

Although I gave up television in 1987, (we don't have one) somewhere I saw a show that was featuring bullies and victims. It was fascinating to me to watch these TV reporters go out and interview real life criminals where their faces were fuzzed out. They took them on the street and sat and watched people go by and profiled them. The people who had certain posture, how they walked, held themselves, really kept the thieves and muggers at bay. When a victim came by, it was obvious though when they fit all the criteria of the profile of a victim. It was like a metal to a magnet.

The places my life has taken for me with medical practitioners, has led me to believe that medicine and pills and drugs and medications are seriously flawed to say the least. Misdiagnosis and conflict medication death numbers do not lie. My friends still tell me horrific stories of doctors using experimental medications on them with sad results. If you all want to take something to make your feelings go away, that is fine. Most of us have internal challenges and to use some type of remedy that is external seems backwards. This information is not meant to conflict with anything your medical professionals are telling you. If you are taking something and decide to go off, many pills are dangerous to quit cold turkey so please monitor yourself accordingly with your doctor if you do.

My business partner is a coach for many thousands and has led people that were in severe emotional pain out of it completely naturally using a unique process. These people have had severe crisis in their lives too. Children dying, suicides, rape, abuse of all kinds, sudden loss, disease, financial devastation, theft, betrayal, and more. Seems we all get "addicted" to some form of problems. When we all put our problems into the hat on the table and write them on a piece of paper and then have to grab one out. We want to grab our own back in a hurry thinking the others have real problems. If you do not put any medical people on a pedestal then you won't be in the pit below. Then you won't have to listen to someone tell you that you are incurable, which means they don't know how to help and you are likely, curable from within. We all have choices in the end. May you find peace and love with yours, Dr. Mike